What Happens When There is an ‘Us’?
Humans need to belong. We might attempt to not engage with others sometimes (especially us autistically wired types), but what is irrefutable (strong word, but I think it’s appropriate here) is that humans gravitate towards linking (in some way) with other humans. We find ways to belong, even if that might be by attempting to not need to belong (which itself becomes a belonging, weirdly, maybe).
There are countless (I’m sure) ways of creating an ‘us’ or being part of an ‘us’, aren’t there? Friendship groups, partners (personally or in business), families (birth or adopted in some way), social groups, shared interest groups, faith groups, work groups, political groups, needs-based groups, shared-experience groups, various societies or organisations and sporting groups are just a few of these.
Sometimes (it seems to me), we often try to belong on greater levels and adapt our own ‘way of being’ so we fit in. This might be achieved in part by how we look, what we say, what we profess, what we wear, what we engage with, what we are seen to engage with (which from my observations is often different to what we’d engage with when not being watched) and what we spend time doing, amongst other things. Maybe this sometimes happens subconsciously and sometimes is a more conscious process. This will largely be dependent on who and how you are as a human, of course.
When we have a connection with others, we potentially believe (at least partially) that we have a place and in some measure we belong. We might have a role or jobs to do within the ‘us’. We might feel we are seen or noticed. We may believe we are accepted and are not living in full isolation. We may experience our involvement as being connected to others and it is as if we somehow fit somewhere, which might not be the case if the ‘us’ were not a thing.
Maybe the ‘us’ can provide (at times, if not always) a direction of travel, a focus, a sense of purpose and a collective goal to aim at (amongst other things). Maybe this includes specific tasks to engage with. Maybe it is concerned with the promotion of specific messages to share because they are important to the ‘us’. Maybe there is an aim of sometimes winning as many towards the shared topic (whatever it is) of the ‘us’ as is possible. Maybe we advertise to make the ‘us’ grow in number. Maybe as the ‘us’ does grow in number we can take it as additional validity that the topic within that ‘us’ grouping is important. Maybe.
I believe there is nothing inherently wrong in all of that, and surely it is part of what it is to be human. My questions follow on from this as a starting point. I don’t have any full answers (as ever) to my questions, but I am considering my part within it all for the tiny part of the world I live in and the tiny life I live.
What happens when our place within the ‘us’ (whichever one) is so comfortable or necessary to us that if any others tried to enter, there would be a need to somehow fight? Maybe there is not a need to physically fight, but what if we are not prepared to share our role or job or place or position and would feel threatened in who and how we are? What if that were compounded because the someone attempting to enter the ‘us’ has greater experience, skill or seems to be more popular? Oh my.
What if within the ‘us’ we were so territorial that we didn’t see the person attempting to enter as a person who wanted to stand with us, but instead saw them as someone who would have to prove themselves in some way (and by so doing, demonstrate their worthiness of being accepted) before they could truly join ‘us’? Oh my.
What if we tried to change the person who walked into the ‘us’ so they’d be more like ‘us’ and would conform to our ways, message and presentation that makes the ‘us’ us? Oh my.
What if we, by holding so tightly to the ‘us’, have inadvertently (I’m sure) created a ‘them’? Oh my.
What if we judge the ‘them’ in whatever context and elevate self and ‘us’ over ‘them’ simply because they are not ‘us’? Oh my.
Does the need for an ‘us’ create a natural and inevitable challenge with ‘them’ in whatever context and situation? And I mean even within the same areas of interest: Sports teams against each other, vying for supremacy and dominance, schools aware of rankings in groups of school and all judged by a plethora of both reasonable and unreasonable criteria, faith groups determined that their belief system or way of living their faith is the only way (and if that’s not what they say, it might be how they behave), businesses competing to prove to consumers/customers/whoever that they deserve more custom/status/recognition…this list could go on.
I have thoughts (I know…you knew that). I wonder how it might be if ‘us’ was a term for all humans everywhere. I wonder how that might affect individual and joined lives. I realise it might be wishful thinking that this would ever be possible, and I guess I have ideas as to why that might be. Us humans are needy bods really, whether we admit it or not. For a whole range and mix of reasons, somewhere within (it seems) we have an internal need to prove ourselves (individually and as groups of ‘us’). In this way, I guess we find ourselves driven by our (often hidden) sense of internal lack. I wonder if we lose sight of ‘us’ as all humans everywhere because of the animal instinct fight of dominance and supremacy within us, as if it were about fighting for our survival. I wonder if we see the fight, the competition, the perceived rewards of popularity in such a way that we forget whatever we do, whatever we prioritise, however we behave towards other, whatever we engage with, in truest terms, we are all a big group of ‘us’…
…unless I’m deluded…which I might be…maybe.
I’d like for it to be a real thing though. I think it would be cool to try a whole world experiment of what might ‘be’ if we began to treat all other humans as part of ‘us’. I know, “Dawn, it isn’t that simple.” No, maybe not. In fact, I agree. It isn’t that simple. However, neither does it have to be as ‘us and them’ as maybe we default to when we’re not thinking straight.